i wish i knew how this was going to end

“birds don't concern themselves with the strength or integrity of the branch. they simply trust their wings.”

i wish i knew how this was going to end. i think that's the part that scares me the most. not knowing where things are headed, not knowing how long they'll last, just not knowing. and when something feels this good, all of me wants certainty. i want to know that it's going to work. i want to know that it's going to last. i want something, anything, to hold onto and have it tell me that it's fully safe to fall into this.

but we don't get that, do we? we never actually know how things are going to turn out. and that's so scary. because i can feel how much i care about the things in my life right now, and i can't control whether they stay. i can't control how life shifts or what changes or what fades when the world starts pulling everything in different directions. and i know that. but knowing it doesn't make it sit any easier.

but as much as having the answers sounds so good, i don't have them. and maybe that's okay. because what i do have is right now. i have the people in front of me. i have the way things feel tonight, as i'm writing this. i have a version of my life that i genuinely love, and people in it who make it feel full. and maybe i don't need to know how this all ends to know how i want to show up in it.

if the only thing i can control is how i love right now, then i want to do that well. right here. while i still have the chance to. i don't want to be the person who held back because i was scared of what might happen next. i don't want to half-love something just because i can't guarantee it stays. because even if i never find out how this all ends, i'll know that i was present in it where it mattered. i'll know that i chose to be all in, even without the guarantee.

the branch was never the point. it was never about whether it holds or how long it lasts. it was always about trusting that if it breaks, i'll still be okay. that i can love something without needing to know how it carries me. i just have to trust that i'll fly.