the intimacy of someone learning your soul slowly

i've always been someone who rushes. through conversations, through milestones, through the space between meeting someone and feeling like i know them. i want the depth without the patience it takes to get there. i want the shortcut to closeness because waiting feels like wasting time.

but since starting work, i've made completely new friends. people i didn't grow up with, people who don't know the old versions of me. and what i've learned is that the best connections don't happen all at once. they happen in the small stuff. the inside jokes that build over weeks. the lunch club every other week, the pickle ball after work, the hacky sack circle at 12:30 in the courtyard. the slow process of someone actually getting to know you, not the highlight reel, but the real thing. keep going and we'll iterate. that's kind of how it works with people too.

and i think about this for whoever i end up with someday. my forever person. i don't want to rush that either. i want to be patient with it. i want to learn every small thing about you. i want to know what your favorite color is. i want to know why you had a bad day at work, not the summary but the whole thing. i want to know why you're tired. why you want to eat the food that you want to eat. what song you play when nobody's around.

i don't want the shortcut anymore. i want the slow version. the version where i earn every layer of who you are, and you earn mine. where knowing someone isn't something that happens overnight but something that compounds quietly, like trust does.

because there's an intimacy in that. in someone learning your soul slowly. not all at once in some rush of intensity, but piece by piece, over time, because they chose to stay long enough to see all of it. that's the kind of love i want to build. the kind you can't speed up. the kind that's worth the wait.